Alhamdulillah..., insya'Allah, another year of Allah's blessing.
And it is exactly 3 months since i last blogged. Not much has changed. Except that Mr Love will be back to where he has been sending out his resume to in 2 weeks. i'm happy for him, thou' i forsee between us there will be much much more lesser time for each other which it has been going on for these 2 years, unknowingly.
And it's been 5 years of our relationship. Only to see him back for bilateral insya'Allah from this year on. 2 days ago, we managed to squeeze that time for ourselves, watching Taken and spending the last hours at our usual spot, talking and talking and teasing...
being in his arms, being in his hugs, having his unconditional love is definitely something every girl would be happy for. and i am not an exception. but, to be in this situation without a conclusion, sometimes i wish that i am strong enuff to tell him, let's just remain as friends without having an expectation for each other. then again, each time i'm trapped in between his arm, my heart told me how do i live without this person. how can i stop loving him when i love him with all my heart. It does feels terrible....
mana harusku hamparkan.. rindu, tiada kesudahan,
sesal biar separuh nyawa..namun ia takkan hilang.....
masih terasa nafasmu, lembut menyusuk jiwaku..
dengan dihembus bayu, membawa khabar rindu....
tapi sunyi ku teruskan, engkau jauh kehadapan... aku, tabah berjalan sembunyikan harapan....
separuh sayangmu dihati, separuh lagi kau bawa pergi....
tiada arah jodoh kita,
Tuhan tentukan lah........
in my silence, in my "don't bother-look", nothing change deep in my heart. you are there, will always be there, and will remain in there.... while i smile to your dreams of having us living together, i keep that expectation low, so as not to be hopeful to only feel hurt one day. no one has yet to enter my life with your kind of expectations, your persistence to keep me close to you, knowing the imperfection in me. having the patience to tolerate my unexpected nonsense and sensitivity, sometimes, i feel you deserve someone better.
..... and i don't deny having that dreams of us having our own home, laughing, teasing with each other, holding hands as we walk side by-side, no restrictions to where we will be, will remain as a sweet dreams till it is granted. as for now, i am contented and blessed to just having you there reachable as and when time permits, and knowing you loves me more than i deserve.....
"when the heart is missing you terribly, but the brain is denying it......."
