that moment....

it's that same feeling that i'm having right now that i had 2years ago when he left me for his hajj. thou' its a shorter period this time round, just like how he left me for his umrah last year, i'm beginning to feel the lost yet again...... i'm missing him terribly deep inside me.

portraying the so-called snob-i-dont-care look from my face, deeply inside me, I would want to be in his tight hug. I want to be kissed by him on my forehead. I would want to spend longer time with him...... i just wanna be with him.... but i doubt he knows how i feel..... he couldnt feel my love. i didnt show him enough or probably any... it's my own fault. my own lost. while he tried to squeeze his time to meet me over lunch, there i was, stubborness versus the urge to give him a kiss; okay, its ego.

if only.....

if only.....

i wish "if only" could be true and not only something that i dream of......

i dont know if you will be reading this.......

"there are only 4 men in my life that are so dear to me. Very much close to my heart. It was never easy for me to say to these 4 men how much they meant to me. And I know that, they do not know either how much I care and love them most.... It does hurt, I know, for them to feel that I am not showing them my concern, my love, my care but it hurt me too for choosing to keep it within me. some of the consequences that i have to bear.

You are one of those 4 that has got a place in my heart. And, you are the only one, who has been getting most of my love messages. one of the lucky 4 i must say :)

if only dear, i could have a week to be with you. a full week, just the two of us. u will know how much u mean to me. how much i love you more than u could think of.

i was never pissed nor am i bored with you... but my impatience-ness  drove me to my nerve. i wish you could be there for me when i'm unwell. but i know your other priorities, i understand the tight schedule you are having. but, a woman is still a woman.... she needs to be constantly love and pampered. maybe, i am not trying hard enough to understand you. i'm sorry."

"Ya Allah, kau permudahkan lah perjalanan dan segala urusannya disana nanti. Kau lindungilah perjalanan beliau dari awal hingga kembalinya beliau bersama dengan isterinya. Kau berkatilah perjalanan mereka dan limpahkanlah rahmatMu disetiap langkah kaki mereka. Ameen Ya Rabbal  Al'amin"