أنت أجمل مصير

 Anta 'Ajmal Masir which means.... You are the Most Beautiful Fate.

I chanced upon the quote while trying to get ustaz to write a sentence in Jali Diwani as a takeaway from my workshop. And throughout the search, I only have him in mind. Something that could symbolizes the love that I have for him... and this, is the best found. And mr love is the most beautiful fate that Allah has arranged for me. Alhamdulillah.  (i kept reminding myself, nothing is a coincidence, for Allah has arranged it for us. Patience, for HE knows what is best for us). 

Yesterday was our last date for now, before Ramadhan kicks in. And while I try not to think when could be the next possible date, becos' after Ramadhan will be back to a busy school weeks for him, i guess having me in his heart and thoughts suffice for me..... err, part of the heart suddenly objects to that sentence, oops! 

As what he had mentioned, there is only Side A and Side B to where we could be. And yesterday's date was not an exception except for the moments we had for each other. This time round no bloopers in public, except for the 1 o'clock time and the word for the day was: Don't Start! (away from your cheeky smiles dear!)

As much as I love being with him; till now, I have yet to get over the feeling of letting go; saying goodbye to end our day. And it has been 6 years. And each time when I have to leave, I will leave with a heavy heart. (that's what actually happened yest when i requested for a hug. A hug which I didnt want to let go as the tears just didnt want to stop. That is when i had to trigger that hard spot of mine, wipe my tears away and told him i'm okay. Tadaaa!! with a smile i said i'm okay..... but i'm not)

"disebalik ketenangan seseorang, ada 1001 kisah dan kepahitan yang tersembunyi. 

senyuman yang terzahir tentu ada air mata yang terselindung...." 

Saying or typing out I Love You is not as easy as it seems especially when you are saying it out from your heart. And knowing that even by saying so, you can't literally have him next to you. (I wonder how long-distance relationship works? I'd probably gave it up even before I even start on it). 

Well, a lil mischief doesnt seems to hurt and I'll be missing those lil cheesy moments. I'm beginning to miss him so much. I'm missing his smiles, his laughter, his touch, his everything.... ya, everything. 
saya rindu awak! 

There are lots of questions that linger in the head now. Composing myself that everything will be fine. While i wish that I could always be with him or do things together with him, i know that Allah has better plans for us. I least expected that loving and missing someone too much can bring so much tears... (this is just not the real me). Or maybe that's becos' our Love is just not normal. Forbidden love - tt's what it should be.....

Dear, you are the beautiful gift (fate) that Allah has sent to me.  And I'm definitely grateful for that. You started off as my companion when i'm at my lowest point. You were there with me in my cries, my tears, my laughter and my smiles. And I can't thank you enough for that. All that i asked for, is for you to be happy with me around.  Clinging on you like a koala bear, hehe... and being pampered when i'm with you. You just need to be patience with me dear (evil smiles).....  I love you!