behind a zipped organiser

Another month left and 2013 is coming to an end.... time flies...

Alhamdulillah, first born did well for her exams, personal achievements for her and making me and the people around her proud. Nothing beats the efforts and hardwork she had put in. A new beginning for her, embarking to a new education journey for her future prospects. InsyaAllah....

Consciously i unzipped my organiser awhile ago, seeing a picture of us both taken at LGK airport at the front page ( i couldnt recall when i printed that photo out and cut it nicely leaving only us and placed it in the organiser), i realised its been 3 years of knowing each other. 

In that organiser too, a white envelope was slipped into its pocket; a letter given to me together with a white teddy and a gold Al-Jumanatusy Syarif kitab..... And so i read. 

I flipped through the pages until my very first writings, reading the first few lines where i took half day and have him as my company. We sat on a bench facing a beach, and he drew me closer to him where i rest my head on his chest..... and i decided to stop reading. Closed my organiser and now ranting on my blog. Those were the time, unexpected leave, unexpected companion by the beach.... i would be lying if i said i do not miss those moments. I enjoyed those time very much. Penned down every single day we spent together, but now, i feel, the last i see of him seems like weeks back, and nothing much that i could write of for me to keep as memories.

Its a mixed feelings after all. My love towards him hasnt lessen, im sure of that. Instead i feel lesser love.
I... too many things that lingers in my head now, just dunno how to let it all out. He is just everywhere i go. Always in my mind, closest to my heart. But i couldnt be with him physically like how i imagine the closeness we could be. Its all in a mind game, and i hate that big time. Frustrations.

I seek your forgiveness Ya Allah.

The last time i see him, was his bday lunch treat. No more, daily, no more twice or thrice in a week, lesser on weekly.... it has now changed to fortnightly.

Im quietly accommodating to changes. And hanging on tight to a full swing of understanding priorities, contraints and situations.

I guess im just being too pampered....  :'(

November 20 on November 19

indah sungguh pertemuan yang tidak dirancang,

membawa erti dalam sebuah persahabatan, 

persahabatan dieratkan dengan sebuah hubungan, 

yang dihiasi dengan penuh rasa kasih sayang. 

kau ibarat pelita yang menyinar, 

membawa maksud seerti dengan namaku,

bersyukur aku dengan hadirmu,

walau tidak dapat aku miliki segalanya. 

Ya Allah, hari ini aku mohon padamu, 

Kau berkatilah insan yang amat ku sayangi ini

Kau lindungilah beliau, dan, Kau berikan lah beliau kesihatan

agar dapat beliau terus beribadah kepadaMU dan berbakti 

kepada keluarga yang beliau sayangi. 

Kau limpahkanlah rahmat mu keatas dirinya, dan 

berikan lah syafaat Rasulullah s.a.w kepadanya.... 

Sesungguhnya esok adalah hari lahirnya.... 

Curahkanlah kasih sayangMu kepada dirinya Ya Allah.... 

Ameen Ya Rabbal A'lamin... 

Another year of me celebrating your birthday dear.... 

hopeful that it'll continues....

But i aint any present for you like the past 2 years.. 

This came with a reason...

I dont want you to have a hard time finding excuses for a gift that I got for you.

I know its hard. Last year's gift I got you, you took awhile to take it out from the box. 

But, this year, I will treat you for lunch k. Patiently waiting for your available timeslot.

Well sayang, my doas goes out to you. 

Adding on to the above, 

May our love continues. Even if one day, we had to go our separate route, 

I want you to know that you are the best person I've ever met. 

My awesome companion, my joker of the day, and the list goes on

I wish that there will come a time where, you could be my pillar to lean on

Very much miss you dear

Love you always forever and ever.... 

You have a great birthday celebration with your love ones. 

and, I am patiently waiting in the queue even if its just an hour and a half. 

Virtual big bear hugs for you sayang...... 

hehe, i'm always like the one infront dear... 

kena squeeze <3

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR. LOVE!!!

18 days

It was 18 days ago I last blogged. Yea, even mr. love gave a hint last week about my blogs. Nothing much to rant actually...... its the normal routine, day in day out... just like doing accounting on FIFO (first in first out) LIFO (last in first out) .. sigh!!!

It's close to 3 weeks I have not met mr. love. Tak rindu ke dia towards me???? *sighing..... My silence does not mean i'm not missing him. I hope I will not get used to this absence, cos' if I am, then, it means i bochap already... hmmm.... but then again, i know time has been a constraint. 

I left for KL on a one-day trip, without staying overnite with my girlfren. It was a much-look-forward trip, until, I was unwell days before that, and dragged days after that. hahaha!! The thoughts of having mr. love around on that day brought occasional smiles. Oh, the usual imagination that runs in my mind. Thinking that there's probably a surprise visit, hehhe... of course not being hopeful, but, u know how errr, unexpected he can be. But he did call to check on me. If i'm doing good. Leaving many advices not to roam around alone. You know, just like a little princess being guarded from afar afraid of going astray... *evil eyebrows up. appreciate much on his concern and care. 

How time flies.... Its soon gonna be the end of another year...... Will be attending 2 dinners coming year end. End Nov and end Dec. Will there be surprises dear this time?? I doubt so. Blogging about surprises, its been long too of not having surprises. hmmm..... 

Even time is limited for surprises right?? Kindda feel (not sure how to explain that feelings), its all mixed at times. Sometimes, i just wish that ..... ah, nevermind.......

What hasnt change for these 3 years is, the tele-conversation we have while he drives. The updates we have for each other, the teases, the sharings.... Alhamdulillah, its still going on despite the lesser time spent. And of course, LOVE for each other...... 

If only you know how much I miss you dearly.......  

boredom strikes

Im at the peak of my boredom..... added with tonnes of sleepiness weight on my eyes.... i can barely open them. Numbers written on my invoices minimise in size, with multiple strokes around it...., im super duper sleepy..... 

Last weekend, my time was taken up with bakings.. simply loooovveee doing it. First try on talam kacang merah was a success... and how i wish, mr.love could have a try on it.... a last minute order on tart was fulfilled.... with xtras given to mr.love..... 

Mr.love met me last week, the day i was home slightly early from my learning journey just to give me my hugs which he owed on my birthday. I do not know what to say of him, his unexpected surprises, his concern towards me, his crazy acts (will share a little bit soon), he is such a dear that one will treasure most. The reason why i love him.. 

We had our usual lunch this week at mcD with only me eating.. yeah, tt explains my ehm, chubbinesss.... and an unplanned date in the morning before my karaoke session wz a buddy in the evening.... many times i wonder how is life gonna be if mr.love and i stay together... will the house be filled with laughters. Are we gonna receive complaints from neighbours, haha... i wish things would be better than that. 

He was right when he asked, have i ever thought that i would be seeing him at the PS dinner? Have i ever imagined that i would be watching fireworks on new year's eve with him? Have i ever expect to have him showed me the way out on a busy road? It was neither close to our plans, and im thankful to Allah for the arrangements and unforgettable opportunities. I love him more than he could ever thought. 

And to sum it all, who would have thought to have your love one waving at u from him car at a petrol kiosk, when the train u are in passes by him.... 

dear, u are such a sweetheart u know that. Will u continue to do the same even thou we are together some days?

I know you are tired dear... it was clearly shown when u laid beside me.... im sorry dear, if im part of the reason you are worn out. But i always miss you... miss listening to u, miss arguing with u, miss teasing you thou i got teased in the end, miss being hugged, and the list goes on..... thank you dear for everything......

And i apologised for my shortcomings too...

Love you mr.love