alone

it was due to my carelessness that i was caught by surprise with a screenshot of a chats between love and i sent thru my mobile to the mr. early in the morning. 

that was becos' i've been signing in and out of the messenger that whole day, expecting at least a chat and i finally forgotten to sign out as i was too tired that sunday, being awake from sahur till almost midnite. (i need to learn from now on, to learn to curb whatever feelings i have esp on missing him) i had let my emotions go beyond my mind. and this was the result of it, when you expected too much. 

while i finally managed to clear the air with mr. i was hopeful that i could still fall back to love. knowing the risk i'm facing (thou' this time i deleted the msgs, i signed out, changed my pswd), i am still expecting a reply from the chats i sent to him. but what i got this morning, was just 2 words. 

and the reason for that, he explained it through kakak. 

while i've been super sorry for all the mess to both parties (mr and love), after being able to convince mr this was just a moment of mischief... i least expected this was what love did. yup, it got me very disappointed with the 2 words reply, and i couldnt care less with whatever explanation that comes after. 

i just felt so alone!!! 

i was more worried abt him being approached by mr than myself trying to explain things. i was so much into that thoughts yesterday, i was more than shattered that i had deleted everything in the chats than the fact that i'm being caught. i'm going nuts. my priority has gone haywire. 

if u asked me now if i would want to see him, nope! i didnt want to. today's feeling was more devastating than yest. ironically, i'm tearing today instead of yesterday. insane.