wrong

the first time i blog from home while waiting for my appointment schedule... sitting on my couch by my corridor window, with the wind blowing aimlessly... i ponder where could it possibly went wrong.

just 3 days ago, we were out together, and 3 days later our hearts are disturbed. i blame myself for not being able to control my own emotions. i blame myself for letting him know what my wild thoughts were. i blame myself for adding more problems to what he already had. i blame myself for not being able to be his best companion like how he probably expect me to. and i blame myself for the hurts he could have right now.

i was wrong to let him know my disappointments towards him for being able to spend some time with his friends instead of our last lunch before Ramadhan. i should have known and just be contented that the time he spent with me was the last. i am beginning to be possessive of my love. which is absolutely wrong. i am sorry.

all these will not happen, if i hadnt initiated the photoshots 3 years ago. all of our wrongdoings will not have happen, if i had not asked for his love. the root cause is me. i am terribly sorry.

i really do not know what i should do. what is best for us. i couldnt bring myself to leave this relationship for my love towards him grows stronger each day. but i couldnt deny too that each passing days i've been harbouring my feelings. it is not easy either.